The hilarity of online dating

Ever wonder why I'm a bitch? Read the little exchange below.


Random asshat trying to get his dick wet (RATTGHDW):
Hello! How is everything ?

Me:
I can't really speak for everyone else and everything in general, but most things for me are going decently.

RATTGHDW:
Great! I'm fine as well, thanks)))) I' m not sure, u are really woman, honestly, it' so f...ked up here! That's why, if want me, then text me over- *************** I'll wait for u cutie!

Me:
That's not the best foot to start off on with me, dude.

I know that you don't know if I'm a woman, but to be fair I don't know if you're a dude and I didn't start things off by accusing you of being something else.

Second, you've done absolutely NOTHING to pique my interest. "How's everything?" That's not the brilliant opening line that gets you my contact information.

RATTGHDW:
Yahahaha.... I have more than u can accept! And don't call me dude! " how is everything" - it normal here! If u so special, what u doing over, or u can not find somebody without chat?

___________________________________

I love it. I've been railed on before for my "don't make small talk" point of view before, but it's the damn truth.

If you're not going to say something interesting, don't bother. I don't want to talk about the weather for the 50 billionth time. I don't want to talk about [insert sports team name here]. I don't even want to talk about what I do for a living or what I'm doing here. I want to talk to someone who makes me think or who makes me laugh.

Want to know how to get in my pants? Be smart and/or witty and/or charming. Those traits are panty melters, fellas.