Sex 101: What do you call your vagina?

People tell me I say vag and vagina a lot.  I suppose that's true. I have one. It's one of those mystery-of-the-universe things where even though I own one, I don't quite understand it. I find that fascinating.

I kinda want to compare vaginas to fire, but that might be a bad analogy. I mean, I know the basics of how fire burns, but I don't really understand what makes it so hot. Or why it consumes everything.

Hell, this might be the perfect analogy for my vagina. Except for the burning part.

Aaaaaaaanyway.

This topic is recurring between me and friends. I lovingly refer to my vagina as "that little whore" and threaten it with forced celibacy all the time. As a result, my friends and I often talk about my tendency to over-share and general lack of boundaries. You can't comment...you're reading about this and most of you fuckers know me, which is what is truly scary.

So one night I was talking with my friends about vaginas and I don't even remember what got us on the topic, because for a change it was NOT me. Suddenly we were talking about a male friend's preference for Japanese women. And then they were recounting how they teased him about his love of Bento boxes.

It took me a full 10 seconds to get it, but when I did, it was full-on laugh-snort.

Then it occurred to me. I'm not getting creative at ALL with my vaginal discussions. I may talk about it a lot, but that doesn't mean I have to be boring!

There's all kinds of fun names for it I could be using when I just talk vaginavaginavaginablahblahblah all the time. Cooter. Cunt. Snatch. Clam. Love muffin. Vajayjay. Poontang. Pussy.  Beaver. Bearded clam. Cave of wonders. Fur burger. Gaping axe wound (I like that one, and I think I'll use it when I'm given hell for talking about my vagina - don't pick on me and my GAPING AXE WOUND!).

They're definitely fun to use, and creative to boot! But I want to take this a step further.

I think we need to mix in a little personal flair. Everyone has a fur burger. NOT everyone has a bento box.

There's the obvious pink taco for our ladies with a little Latina flair. 

Some poutine for those Quebecois that like a little gravy and cheese?

Oh god, I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit.

Seriously though, we should get creative with this. I'm bored with all the same old terms for vag. Let's wear our sex AND our heritage with pride, ladies! I dunno, since I'm white as hell all I'm coming up with at the moment is a basket of onion rings. But together, we can label races and vaginas AT THE SAME TIME!