There's always a catch...

I got nothing. I also realize I haven't written for some time. With that in mind, I leave you with a comic and some memorable quotes from my holiday weekend.

See more comics from this artist here.

Totally true, by the way. The next guy I sleep with better offer to take me home to his bed full of money. Also, please hide the dirty socks and the porn.


And noooooooooooooowwwwwwwwww (imaginary drum roll): memorable weekend quotes!

Three friends: S, A, and Me (now in fun, festive Christmas colors!).

A: [rambling about good sex with her man]

S: Hey, some of us aren't getting any.

Me: Yeah, don't rub it in, jerk.

A: I didn't say I had great sex today.

Me: I know you've had sex recently. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...

A & S: [laugh hysterically]

Me: I never knew I could segue into Casablanca so smoothly. 

All: [more laughter]

______________________________

The same three friends, while out shopping on Black Friday. Scene: I just returned to the car from putting away the empty shopping cart, and heard this while the girls loaded into the car. AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaand ACTION!

A & S: [talking, mention salami]

Me: Whoa, what about salami now?

S: That is quite possibly the most random question ever.

A: Yeah, what ABOUT salami, huh?

Me: That'd make a good Facebook status. Guess who said this, the fat chick or the slut?

A: What if the fat slut said it?

S: Mmmmmmm....salami.

All: [laughter]

______________________

Me and S, after breakfast this morning:

Me: So my friend M has convinced himself that I'm flying out to see him for my birthday. I told him if I was going to that much effort, I better have one hell of a birthday surprise waiting for me.

S: Other than hot birthday sex?

Me: That's not really much of a surprise, is it?

S: Not really, but should still be loads of fun.

Me: Unless I have a boyfriend by then. 'Hey honey, sorry, but I've been friends with this guy for half my life and may never have another chance to fuck his brains out, so...'

S: He could be your freebie.

Me: My hall pass? I guess that works since I know I won't be shacking up with any celebrities.

S: And if you returned without sleeping with M, I would personally pick you up from the airport just so I could slap you. Seriously. TAP THAT.

Both: [laughter]


Conclusion: my friends and I are the best kind of slut.