My favorite pickup lines

Most women have heard a lame come-on at some point in their dating lives. It doesn't matter how a chick looks - some dude has tried to pick her up with some corny, "I lost my number, can I have yours?" routine.

Many, many (manymanymanymanymany) moons ago when I was in college, I was a regular at a local dive bar. My favorite bartender had just made me my favorite drink, and I settled in to listen to the not quite so favorite local band. To my surprise, a young man approached. He never introduced himself. He simply sat down next to me and asked a strange question.

Young Man (YM): I'm curious. Are you a chicken farmer?

Me: [stunned, blank stare]

YM: Well, are you?

Me: What on earth would make you think I'm a chicken farmer?

YM: 'Cause you're raising my cock.

Me: [beat] [hysterical laughter]

YM: [beams]

Me: I'd like to buy you a drink, sir. That was a damn good one!

I never got his number. And I certainly don't remember his name. Hell, at this point I'm not entirely sure he was a man, except lesbians probably wouldn't be claiming I raised their cocks. I just remember the line, and the fact that he was ballsy enough to pull it off. I bought him a drink, true to my word. And we spent the next couple hours chatting until we parted ways.

That line is one of my favorite memories from my singlehood. I loved it so much that I routinely get into best pickup line contests with my girlfriends. Here are some of my favorites:

• That shirt is very becoming on you. Of course, if I were on you, I'd be coming too.

• How do you like your eggs in the morning, scrambled or fertilized?

• That dress looks great on you. It'd look even better on my floor.

• Can I take a picture of you? I want to show Santa what I want for Christmas.

• You must be a parking ticket 'cause you've got fine written all over you.

• How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice.

• Your dad must be a baker, 'cause you got some hot buns.

• Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name ___________?

• I'm glad I have my library card, 'cause I'd like to check you out.

• Don't you think most people who use pick-up lines are dipsticks? (Yes.) In that case, mind if I check your oil level?

• Excuse me, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

Have you heard any lines that made you laugh? What about lines that actually worked? I wanna hear the best of the best. Maybe I'll even buy you a drink. Maybe.