Sex, love, and crazy chicks.

Sounds weird to wake up and suddenly realize you love yourself, right? Some sort of bullshit self-empowerment Tony Robbins mumbo jumbo.

Except this actually happened to me. Me, the wiseass, who's always had everyfuckingthing figured out. Even though I don't know it all, I always know it all. That's just who I've always been.

I suddenly realized how much posturing it was. I bought into that "fake it 'till you make it" crap until I had myself convinced I'd made it when I was only faking it.

By now you're probably wondering what the hell I'm smoking, so I'll cut to the chase -

I really liked that last guy I was seeing. Problem with that? Yeah - I tried to play cool and pretend I didn't, and that all I wanted was some sort of casual thing. I'm a tough broad, right? No one gets close to me, I hold all the cards.

Except I'm not. My whore of a vagina led me to someone I dug. And in denying that I liked the guy, I became a crazy. One of those cunts that I'm always ragging on about "why do those chicks go crazy and convince all guys that all women are psycho?"

It's because we obsess. We over-analyze. Chicks, I'm talking to you so fucking pay attention.

We try to play tough even if we're not. What's worse is we play weak when we're not, all in the name of some false definition of what guys are supposed to find attractive.

I'm that chick I love to hate, because I'm always railing about how I don't play games and it turns out I was. Only I was playing games with myself, convincing myself I'm above dating and relationships and love because I've been hurt before. That cool ungettable girl. Yeah fucking right.

My takeaway is kinda surprising though. As I said, I spontaneously woke up and realized I love myself. No, that's not a euphemism for masturbating up a storm.

It was just a sudden realization that I've been unhappy for a long time. I've let my happiness and self-worth be pinned on outside forces in my life for so freaking long that I forgot how to let go and be me. It's kinda liberating to know I'm just as big a fuck-up as the next crazy chick.

I love myself. Even on days when I'm not happy with myself. And that's leagues ahead of the rest of the human race.

I've never laid down and given up, despite the bullshit in my life.

I get curious about something and I go out and do it, even if I'm afraid, because I'd rather be a little reckless and have a hell of a story to tell later than play it safe and wonder the rest of my life.

I'm a mosh pit dancing, blues singing, crazy red-headed happy chick. Watch out, world. Especially those of you who play dodgeball against me. My balls are coming for you. Errr...yeah.