Slutfest 2012

One of my best friends and I are known for having sick senses of humor. And the way we rip on each other (always in jest) is legendary throughout California. We even have pet names for one another. She calls me Hooker and I call her Sugar Tits.

Last night we got to talking about this cookbook that has recipes for cooking semen.

She kept finding recipes in an attempt to disgust me, and finally I couldn't help myself. This was our conversation last night:

Me: When times are hard (wink) and you're wondering how you're gonna put food on the table, make your dude splooge into a measuring cup and get back in the kitchen.

Sugar Tits (ST): Whatever, hooker. I'm not saying you're a slut, but your vagina's like that house in American Horror Story. Once a dude comes in....

Me: I'm not saying you're cockthirsty, but the only liquid you consume more of than semen is vodka.

ST:  I'm not saying you're a slut, but I'm pretty sure your vag is a place to check-in on Facebook.

Me: I'm not saying Sugar Tits is a human mattress, but you might not want to go in her room with a black light. 

ST: I'm not saying you're a slut, but if your vagina had a passcode, it would be 1234.

Me: More like 12345678oooooooohhhhhhhgoooooooooodddddd.

ST: 1234holymotherfuckingfuckingfuck me rightfuckingnowwithyourhardcock (yes, Sugar Tits is the classy ass bitch speaking in this F-bomb laden entry)!

Me: Get it right, bitch.

ST: I'm not saying you're a slut, but I'm pretty sure I saw your vagina on Dirty Jobs.

Me: That was Undercover Boss. Get your shit straight.


And this is why my friends are better than yours. Just an FYI.