Guess what we're talking about?

We're gonna play a little game here. My friend was rambling and what she said was so funny I had to write down some of the more interesting things. Read the quotes below, and then see if you can figure out what she was talking about:

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Oh, let's get it wet. You need to get it wet, more wet more wet wet wet wet oh too much wet...

Oh get the top, that's what you want. I want the top very little nub of it.

Drill that wood!

Oh, and then you think you're done but you need to stretch it out more. Oh yes. Oh yeah. FUCK.

What the fuck? Fuck! It doesn't fit! It doesn't fucking fit! NO! I keep killing my shit!

Oh my god, seriously. I can't fit them all in there. They don't fucking fit.

If that big thing can't fit in that little hole, I don't know what to tell you.

You put the big thing next to the small thing and see if they fit.

Stop playing with my fucking toe you sick fucking fuck.

Two little things should fit into each other.

How am I a C fucking plus fuck? Mama can't fuck me at a C fucking plus average. Fucking cunt.

If you go to fast you're gonna ruin your shit.

Oh yes yes yes yes yes yes that feels good when you do it just like that and you line the little things up next to each other and you put your fucking finger on it just like that and BAM. Oh yeah, that was gratifying.

You put your hand in deep. Pull it out. Fuck you.

I don't know why you're trying to be a gut puncher. FUCK YOU.

And then you hit it and it's deep inside. Deep inside. That's right, I'm better than fucking mama.

The longer it is, the slow you go. Then you wanna get it right there. Can't go fast when it's long, 'cause otherwise it gets all over the place.

Bird motherfucking house!

That's just wrong.


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These quotes are the result of:
A) Hardcore adult-oriented activities which I filmed and sold to Vivid.
B) My friend building a bird motherfucking house.
C) My wife, who's a dirty, dirty tramp.
D) My friend, the grown-ass woman, playing Crafting Mama on Nintendo DS.