Pantsless O'Clock - The perfect time to break up!

I was chatting with a girlfriend about a recent breakup. For a change, she was dating a nice guy. But he was too nice. She broke up with him. Then she dropped a bomb on me - she was upset he didn't fight for her.

Only she had a very specific definition of "fight".

She told me how upset she was that he didn't immediately try to finger bang her and growl, "you're not going anywhere" at her when she tried to leave.

Apparently, she's a fan of grudge fucks and being dominated.

I've NEVER heard of this as a strategy for breaking up and making up. There's that infamous scene in Forgetting Sarah Marshall where Jason whats-his-face refuses to put on clothes because she can't break up with him while he's naked, but that's as close as I've ever heard it getting.

(Apparently he really WAS naked)


But seriously. I'm trying to figure out logically how this scenario is possible. The nearest I can guess is that she tells him, "honey, we need to talk. First, I'm gonna need to you take off your pants." And then she proceeds to remove hers.

Once everyone is pantsless, it's time to sit down and talk, right? But if she's sitting all dainty and cross-legged, he's not gonna be able to shove his fingers up some poon when it's go time. I figure she has to further insist that they sit with their legs splayed like they're stretching their hamstrings. I doubt it looks like the image below, but picturing it amuses me greatly:

Remember, we're not actually wearing pants. Peek-a-boo!

Now that we're all de-pantsed and sitting in the proper position, it's time to duke it out. Normally, there'd be a rule about not hitting below the belt. But I guess that's out since she technically DOES want to be hit below the belt, right?

Question!?

Is there an optimal fingering strategy for this type of scenario? Are we talking one lone, delicate finger? How about two? Is there some wiggling going on? Or do we move straight to whole-fist-up-the-vag? I feel like that last option is more junk punching than fingering, but I hear some people are into it.

This strategy is totally on my to-do list. First step, find boyfriend. Second step, piss him off and insist on pantsless fighting/finger banging. Wish me luck!